Copy
by Calm77
Summary: Companion to Earplugs. Aeris films Cloud and Sephiroth. Yuffie drools.
1. Chapter 1

_Copy_

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: Humor. Blame SeraphChronoMage for the bunny.

Ninjas prided themselves on excellence, especially in the development of the senses. Yuffie Kisaragi, the best ninja of the best, was currently wishing at least one sense – her hearing – into oblivion, training and excellence be damned.

Tifa Lockheart sure could wail.

Half of Transverse town had abruptly decided to go on vacation. Every single one of them stopped by Yuffie's place to tactfully demand she _do something. Anything._

So instead of doing what her ears wanted and hightailing it out of there, she was cautiously climbing the stairs to where Tifa was, wincing at the loudening sound.

Someone had better have died.

Walking carefully into the room – maybe she was injured? – Yuffie glanced around to see everything in order. The TV was playing the start menu of some DVD.

So had Tifa been watching The Notebook or something?

"Uh Tif? TEEF? _TEEF? __**TIFA LOCKHEART!!!**_" Yuffie's final yell was enough to drown out Tifa's wailing. The rest of Transverse town went on vacation.

Tifa simply sniffed indelicately and blew her nose.

"Aeris made…that…it's so horrible…." More sniffles.

"_What's_ horrible? I thought she took a class on movie making or something like that."

"_It's not a movie! It's porn!"_

The statement literally floored Yuffie, who landed ungracefully on her butt.

"Aeris makes porn?" How had she not known this?

"Its her first one."

"So Teef, whats so horrible about it that your wailing can put banshees to shame?"

Tifa glared. Her wailing ability was merely the sign of healthy lungs damnit! She did not sound like a banshee!

"Its _good_! Aeris knows what she's doing with a camera!" No one was going to question Aeris' filmographic ability!

Yuffie waved her limbs around in what was supposed to be a placating manner. She ended up knocking over a lamp.

"Ok Teef, she films good porn, so whats so horrible about it?"

"_It's Cloud and Sephiroth, THAT'S what's so horrible about it!!"_

The window shattered. Yuffie winced.

"Oh so…wait, _Cloud_ and _Sephiroth? In the same porn video?"_

Tifa nodded miserably, sniffling again. Yuffie was trying to get her jaw off the floor and her drool under control.

"Is it in the machine?" Without waiting for an answer, Yuffie dived for the remote and hit play.

"Teef?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you explain what makes this good porn?"

"You don't know what makes good porn?!" Tifa was so scandalized she forgot her own problems for a time and started pointing things out to the younger girl. However the sight of Cloud brought them all back and she ran out of the room wailing, leaving Yuffie – who hadn't noticed her go – sitting mesmerized by the screen and talking to herself.

"What are they flipping a coin for? Oh…I never thought Cloud would top…"

"Wait, _Sephiroth _moans like that? _Shit._"

A pink clad figure appeared in the doorway.

"They're very good at it aren't they? And the 'I love you' part later is great."

"Shit, Aer, you really do make good porn! How did you do it without those two noticing?"

"I knew they wouldn't notice when they screwed in the public coffee shop down the street, I'm headed over to give them a copy of the tape now. Maybe we can watch the real thing…"

"I'm coming!"

_The End_


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter II_

Disclaimer, A/N: Hey, didn't you read chapter I?

Waking up to rather…emphatic….wailing which would put banshees to shame was not something Vincent had ever experienced before.

He sincerely hoped this was a one-time thing.

Everyone knew Vincent Valentine was a sound sleeper. He'd managed to sleep through at least one war, the town he was in being massacred, the Darkness taking over, and his alarm. It had taken a good hour of pounding to get him out of the coffin he'd decided was comfy to help save the world the last time he'd decided to "take a nap."

_Damn_, that was _some_ wailing.

Deciding the world was probably going to end again, and wishing it could be done _quietly_ so he could at least _sleep_ through it, Vincent figured he'd better go investigate. He would kill whoever was wailing and the world could rot, _he_ was going back to sleep!

The wailing proved too much. None of his demons were willing to come out and go on a rampage. Pity, they usually would've leapt at the offer. Vincent sighed. It'd be up to him.

So he ended up at Cid's to see if he knew who was screaming. And for Ibuprofen and tea. Earplugs would be nice too. Galien beast wanted purple ones. Chaos wanted red. Hellmasker just wanted some damn earplugs, the color didn't bloody matter.

Pushing the door to the garage open, Vincent snarled. "I hope the world's ending."

Cid, who was currently digging in a large pile of odds and ends Vincent could care less about, tossed a bottle of painkillers in Vincent's direction without looking.

"Take as many as you want, but if you're planning on O.D.ing do it outside."

A snort answered the pilot's speech. Chaos was mildly offended at the thought of _pills_ offing _him_. Vincent took a handful anyway. He hoped they were illegal.

"Who, may I ask, is making that…._wailing?_"

"Tifa."

"She finally realized Cloud didn't want her?" Absently Vincent helped himself to a cup of tea.

"Heh, Aeris made a tape of him and Sephiroth going at it like rabbits. Gave her a copy. Been wailing ever since." Cid continued digging.

"_Aeris makes porn?_ Was it any good?" Go to sleep in a coffin and you miss the important things in life…

"Damn good porn, it'd be hard as hell to make bad porn with those two as stars. Course, I got to see the real thing. Was at the coffee shop down the road there a ways. The two of them screwed in front of the _Dalmatians_. No decency left in the world."

"So who tops? I've always wondered that, with Sephiroth's whole 'puppet' fetish thing I'd think he would but considering Cloud _has_ killed him…"

"They settle it like men! Flip for it. Seph won in the coffee shop, Cloud won in the Underworld. Ah, here they are!" Cid pulled a brightly colored packet out of the large pile of junk. Earplugs. Vincent silently thanked each of his lucky stars individually and by name.

Now he could return to his nap.

He'd been in the middle of a pleasant dream of murdering Lucrecia Cresent with various painful and gruesome methods. Once he finished that dream he'd ask Aeris for a copy of her porn video.

He'd been waiting to see Sephiroth get screwed for a very long time now.

_TBC...I think...Review and let me know if you want more!_


End file.
